Recently, a reader wrote in with questions about love and relationships and how they relate to our spaces. Can we use our spaces to attract love and maintain good relationships? Good question! In my experience, the state of areas in the home can and do affect how we relate to others, both in the home and away from it.
Your home reflects what energy you are putting out into the world. I’ve heard other professional organizers talk about using your home as your own personal vision board – a way of putting out to the universe the things you want to attract into your life, whether that be better relationships, more travel, better sleep, etc.
I used to visit an out-of-town friend about once a month. He continually complained of not being able to find a decent love companion – at least not one that would stick around for any amount of time.
What was striking to me about this was that his home was filled with the energy of someone who did NOT want a lasting relationship. His artwork, although beautiful and expensive, carried the energy of loneliness – like the intricate sketch of the lone man hunched over, broken. The floor along the side of the bed he did not use was completely cluttered, making it less than welcoming for any overnight guest.
When I pointed these things out to him, he was less than enthused. He didn’t want to get rid of his expensive artwork or change his patterns. During the couple years I used to visit him, he never did change his ways, and he never did attract more than a few one night stands.
Sometimes we have to ask ourselves how much we really want better relationships and what are we willing to do to get them?
We can have unconscious blocks to attracting good relationships or going deeper in the ones we already have. Clutter can give us clues about what those blocks are and can sometimes unlock the stuckness around those blocks.
When it comes to attracting love, a really good place to start is in the bedroom. If you’re looking for love, ultimately you may be looking for a lover, and although some may be more adventurous than others, lovers often, if not usually, come together in the bedroom.
Consider this approach to your bedroom: decide how you want to feel when you are in there, both by yourself and with your partner. Write these feelings down. They might include restful, peaceful, sexy, sensual, soft, connectedness, warmth…. whatever you want to feel is up to you, this is your room, what do you want to invite into the space?
The key now is to declutter your bedroom keeping your top 3-5 feelings in mind. For every item, ask yourself, does this item support the way I want to feel in this room? If yes, it stays; if no, it goes. And if it goes, that doesn’t necessarily mean it leaves the home, perhaps it belongs in another room.
Take note of any artwork or other decor – does it display one person or item alone by itself, or does it show the kind of relationships you want to attract?
If every single individual item in your bedroom makes you feel the way you want to feel when you’re in that room, it’s pretty clear how you’re going to feel overall in the room.
After you’ve created the bedroom space that reflects the kind of love you want to attract into your life, there’s another, more feng-shui-related approach to your space you could take.
In my article, The Bagua – a Hidden Treasure Map in Your Home Alchemy Journey, I go into greater detail about how to do this, but here are the basics:
Use the bagua map to determine which area of your home represents the Marriage/Relationship gua. Declutter furiously!
Use the bagua map to determine which area of each individual room represents the Marriage/Relationship gua.
Using this Bagua Hidden Treasure Map Method has been a truly revealing process for me. The kind of stuff you find cluttering up the Relationship areas of your home can lead to all kinds of realizations about past relationships, current relationship issues, and what kind of emotions are tied up in all that for you. This can be a great time to journal about what you find, reflect with close friends, or talk with someone else on your support team .
And the really cool thing is that now that you have the awareness about what some of those things are, you have the choice about what decisions you make from there. Will you let those old emotional patterns continue to clog up your life, like my friend did, or will you chose to cart that crap out the door and set new intentions?
Becoming aware of these old emotional patterns around relationships can be challenging. It takes a lot of boldness and a lot of courage to face some of the old junk standing in the way of freedom and flow, but armed with this knowledge I hope you can find the bravery to keep moving forward.