It’s truly amazing how different life can look from a different standpoint. I’ve recently returned from what is turning out to be one of the most amazing experiences of my whole life (so far) – I worked on staff at a meditation retreat center around the time of the Equinox. After spending ten days working from a completely different frame of mind, something big has shifted in me and continues to shift.
I entered the experience only with the expectation of learning something new and deepening my own connection with the Divine. Having already learned that assigning big hopes with certain expectation to these kind of events really does them no justice, I decided to simply turn everything up to something bigger than myself.
I let go of trying to find out where I would be rooming, let go of needing to know what our schedule would be like, let go of who I would meet or run into there. I knew that whatever I thought was going to happen, the opposite or something completely different was more likely to happen, as has always been the case for me when attending a meditation retreat before.
So many paradoxes. Watching them unfold before me. Change of standpoint.
For instance, when I was in charge of the kitchen meal team one afternoon, everything that could have possibly gone wrong seemed to have done just that. How the hell were we supposed to finish putting together a meal for 100 people without ovens? Dinner was at 6 sharp, and the clock was ticking. The logical mind could see no way around it, but feeling the higher part of myself that knows how to navigate these chaotic waters geared in and took over. It wasn’t about fighting my way thru it, there was a level of surrendering to the chaos that had to happen in order to make it thru. Exactly the opposite of what I’ve been doing pretty much my whole life.
I can really relate this to my life over the past couple years or so as well. One of the biggest things I’ve had to personally let go of is the need and strong desire to control everything. Funny to hear someone who used to work as a professional organizer talk about letting go of control since so much of the profession is based around having control. When I embarked on an extended road trip in the Fall of 2015 was when I began to realize how much clutter this mind set was creating in my life. Sometimes physical clutter, yes, but more mental and emotional clutter than anything.
I had to completely surrender to the enormous number of chaotic things that seemed to come in when I decided to let go of my need to control. It was tremendously uncomfortable and challenged me to my core. Not know where I was going to be sleeping tomorrow? Preposterous! That must be planned out weeks before a trip! Be ok with the insane mess I seemed to generate when unpacking? Ack! Put that stuff away in the closet or dresser for God’s sake, it’s such a mess!
However, once I simply let the chaos be there and didn’t try to control it, it no longer controlled me.
Huh. Well, that’s exactly the opposite of what I thought it was.
It’s also interesting to see how I feel differently about my physical belongings after returning from this trip. I am more ready than ever to get rid of anything and everything that doesn’t seem essential. We’re in the final, final stages of selling our home in Iowa and moving everything we own out to Colorado with us. Every time my husband and I talk we’re deciding to let go of more stuff. It’s been amazing to watch how when I become more clear and release the emotional parts of the clutter that it continues to become easier to get rid of the physical clutter.